i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize