I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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