hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
