No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
