Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
