Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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