Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
