My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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