Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
