You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
