I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
