the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize