Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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