New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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