Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
