Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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