i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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