i think i have two assholes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
