I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
