Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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