EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea