i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?