I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook