Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.