He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
