just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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