everyone is single if you try hard enough
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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