Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
