Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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