I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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