This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
