yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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