I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
