She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
