She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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