You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
