Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
