the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
