nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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