I wanna bring you to show and tell
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
