so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Will exercising make me less horny?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
