I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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