The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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