Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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