You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
