I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
