I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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