Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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