woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
