I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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