I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
