We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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