the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
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This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.