It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?