broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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