Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default