I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.