Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's never too late to be topless.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.