YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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