i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
