Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
