im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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