dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
