if you like me you must not know who I am
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
