You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
